Conflict Intensive

• s chronic argument, anger, and resentments killing your love?
• Have you tried “expressing” yourself and “talking through issues” only to find more, not less, conflict erupts?
• Are you stuck and have no idea how to move forward?
• Have you fallen so far out of love, you wonder if it will ever come back?
• Do you feel hopeless in that no matter what you try, “nothing seems to work”?
• Are you living more like roommates than partners?
• Have you noticed your health deteriorating along with your relationship problems?

The Reality

When your marriage is in serious trouble, weekly one-hour sessions are not intensive enough to stop the conflict engulfing the couple.

In this situation, an intensive structure can provide the breakthrough a couple needs to disrupt the cycle of conflict in their relationship.

In my Conflict Intensive, you will not only walk away knowing and understanding each other better, but you will take with you a custom-designed action plan that will immediately stop your arguments and start you on the path back to love.

Conflict Intensive

Help! Our constant bickering is killing our love!”

The private marriage intensive program is geared for couples who are committed to the relationship/marriage but stuck a continual conflict pattern. These couples recognize that it could be so much better, but don’t know the way forward.

Other couples appear to be heading for separation or divorce. They have already suffered from years of resentment and anger. These couples are getting close to what I call “The Dead Zone” where there doesn’t appear to be any love left.

In this situation, my intensive program focuses on the process of stopping the conflict. Next, we start to heal the wounds of the past and provide a path back towards closeness. Together we build a very specific and practical action plan to immediately begin the process of building a stronger relationship/marriage.

Consider this as a viable option to stop the drain on your love.

Having witnessed too many couples who found that conventional communication approaches have failed, I have developed a method that will quickly turn their situation around. The Conflict Intensive process is powerful enough to end the years of resentments, arguments, and unforgiveness. This program can bring back the hope they longed for.

What’s Included?

No marriage is the same, therefore no intensive is the same. All intensives include an assessment that will analyze your communication and conflict style. This in-depth, personalized analysis allows us to target these areas quickly. Common topics that are covered during our intensive are:

• Communication tools that will get you talking not fighting
• How to rebuild trust once it’s been broken
• How to heal from hurt so you can move forward
• How to properly apologize and validate each others feelings
• How to keep maintaining your marriage
• How to identify specific triggers that set both you and your partner off
• When is a constructive time to communicate with your partner and when is a destructive time
• How to calm down, overcome resentment and heal emotional trauma
• How to improve your communication and restore your love even if your partner refuses to cooperate

ABOUT THE FACILITATOR

After filling his wall with degrees that espoused traditional “talk it all out” therapy, Phil DeLuca began to rebel and gradually developed his own revolutionary new love science – a holistic body/brain chemistry-based communication model which he shows the couple how to use to fix their relationship.

Intensives are hosted in Charlotte, NC, but I am also available to meet with you in your hometown. All travel-related costs are covered by the couple.

If you would like to learn more, you are welcome to call and book your first appointment or simply fill out my contact form and click send.

Our Therapy Process

• Book Appointment

• Therapy Sessions

• Gain Confidence

21st Century Communication

Phil DeLuca was interviewed by Joanne Victoria for the San • IT Project podcast.

They talked about Phil’s innovative use of the “Express Yourself” model to help couples when traditional couples therapy fails.

Click here to listen to the podcast.

Our Therapy Process

• Book Appointment

• Therapy Sessions

• Gain Confidence

Why Your Diet May be Hurting Your Relationship

Rick was biting his fingernails while waiting in the long Starbucks cue. Once he was finally seated and nearly finished his double espresso vanilla latte, licking the cruller icing off his fingers and gazing out the window that he could again wonder: what’s wrong with my marriage?

Rather than seeking a traditional couples counselor, he may want to consider the empty cup and wrapper sitting on the table in front of him.

To continue reading click here to see the full article …

Cheers – to less talk and more love!
Phil

Philip DeLuca MSW, LCSW is a couples counselor and relationship expert in Matthews, North Carolina.

To talk to Phil about your relationship, or individual counseling, call today, or fill out the contact form and click Send.

Our Therapy Process

• Book Appointment

• Therapy Sessions

• Gain Confidence

Bed, love, and beyond: what it takes to make relationships thrive

It is hard to control your anger in the heat of the moment. But knowing how, and when, to take a breather and Not Talk to get your point across is a skill that will help heal your relationship. Research shows us that relationships are ket to health and happiness. Listen to Phil DeLuca on Bed, love, and beyond: what it takes to make relationships thrive

Bed, Love, and Beyond: Making Relationships Prosper

Listen to Phil DeLuca on Bed, Love, and Beyond:

Our Therapy Process

• Book Appointment

• Therapy Sessions

• Gain Confidence

Stop Fighting, Start Loving

In this Podcast, Ron Broussard of STRETCHYOURSELF is interviewing the creator of UnTalk Therapy Phil Deluca. The two discuss how to stop fighting, start loving.

Philip DeLuca, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and the developer of a new communication paradigm called UnTalk Therapy. His unique approach is based on current science of the body and mind and exposes the failings of conventional communication approaches as well as providing an alternative approach to conflict resolution that is easy to understand, quick to implement and brings immediate improvement.

Stop Fighting, Start Loving

This podcast is a must listen to where Phil shares his journey and experience and gives advice to help you to understand how angry blow-ups are incited by your brain chemistry, what healthy communication looks like and how it makes you feel, and how your health is directly related to the health of your relationship. This podcast is packed with knowledge to help you bring awareness around your communication and how by talking less, you can create more healthy, sustaining relationships.

Click here to learn more about Phil Deluca. Connect with Phil socially on Facebook where you can and have your questions answered or schedule a session after taking the quiz.

Listen to the full interview here.

Couples and Individual Therapy in Matthews

Philip DeLuca MSW, LCSW is a couples counselor and relationship expert in Matthews, North Carolina.

To talk to Phil about your relationship, or individual counseling, call today, or fill out the contact form and click Send.

Our Therapy Process

• Book Appointment

• Therapy Sessions

• Gain Confidence

Is your couples counselor sabotaging your marriage?

*WARNING: If you’ve Googled “How to fix a marriage” and called the first couples counselor that popped up you may be in for relationship derailment. You may begin to wonder, is your couples counselor sabotaging your marriage?

After spending hundreds of dollars and hours of time in therapy more and more couples are coming to the same conclusion: this counseling is sabotaging my marriage.

Sally couldn’t sleep. Even though she was lying just inches away from her husband, he was a stranger to her.

How long it had been since they embraced, let alone made love, she couldn’t remember, mostly because she really didn’t care anymore.

The therapist she’d dragged her “on-paper spouse” to had insisted both of them verbalize so many dark memories, perceptions, and hang-ups.

The details eluded her at 3:00 am, but the pain had been gnawing at her gut since she plopped down on that therapist’s shiny leather couch.

Can I fix my marriage?

The “D” word was echoing in her ears…

The stats popping up online were not encouraging.

The National Survey of Family Growth projected the probability of a first marriage lasting 20 years was 52% for women and 56% for men.

A few eye-opening studies caught Sally’s eye: a Canadian one found lifelong single people reported better overall health than married people. Then another in Italy found lifelong singles cancer rates were the same or lower than in married people. Finally, the Australian study had her sucking harder on the last cigarette in her pack: lifelong single, childless women in their 70s had fewer major illnesses and a healthier body mass index than married women, and – they were less likely to smoke!

Was she missing out? Maybe she should chuck this marriage thing and try the swinging singles scene…

Then she opened up an email from her friend Maureen. The excitement in the message was palatable: Maureen and Harry were going on a Caribbean cruise to renew their vows. Huh?

Sally was sure that Maureen too, had sensed her couples counselor sabotaging her marriage. Just months ago Maureen had told everyone how much she loved coming to book club to get away from her husband. Sally decided to call as soon as the sun came up.

That’s when she discovered Maureen had been working with me, the Un-talk therapist. The barrage of questions began – from both ends of the line.

Couples counseling? No talk?

You’ve got to be kidding! That sounds counterintuitive, Sally remarked, rebellious even.

Is Your Couples Counselor Sabotaging Your Marriage?

Call it what you will, but the fact remains that 3 out of 5 couples that adhere to a traditional talk therapy regimen end up divorcing.

Back in the 1960s, Maureen reminded her, proponents of breast-feeding were considered rebels, yet today not only every MD, but every toddler knows there’s nothing more effective than mother’s milk for nutrition, immune system fortification and lifelong bonding.

So much for the anti-rebel argument.

Maureen described in detail how I helped her and her husband devised a brain science-based marriage fortification strategy.

With that tool they could begin to enhance their nutrition, immune system maintenance, and lifelong bonding – all at their own pace and intensity level.

How?

By defying the marriage therapy mainstream

…which holds: let it all hang out, express your inner angst, release your inner whiner, if an emotion floats up to the surface of your consciousness sweep it up in your dogma net and flip it in your partner’s face – the slimier the better.

Does marriage counseling work?

It is true that in some cases, marriage counseling “works” in the eyes of those couples paying for it in that it drives that final nail into the marital coffin by convincing them their relationship is not worth saving – by encouraging them to end it.

Studies have found that approximately a quarter of couples in talk therapy report that their relationship is worse two years after quitting their sessions.

38% Divorce Rate

A whopping 38 percent of those couples get divorced within four years of wrapping up their therapy sessions (and wiping out their bank accounts.)

These psychotherapists who apply the half-century-old Freudian model would have us all talk it through and through, as they translate, and make themselves indispensable for months and even years of our lives.

They create a new object of dependency that impedes partners from communicating with each other; instead of training them to communicate “at” each other, as if banging louder could somehow lead to stopping the noise.

These “traditional therapists” would have us believe that to keep your impulsive stinky thoughts to yourself is to be “dishonest” with your partner.

In reality, spitting out each word on the tip of your tongue is a dishonest disservice to your relationship and all the effort you’ve invested in it.

Verbalizing your every thought sabotages your sacred goal: peaceful, successful, enjoyable communication that enhances and fortifies your marriage – or any relationship for that matter.

Enter Un-talk Therapy

What I share in Un-Talk Therapy is how to discern when, where and why (in scientific terms) you should choose to talk, when to interact silently and when not to interact at all.

Initially, curious inquirers seem skeptical: how can you learn to save your marriage in just a few weeks when there’s so much brain science to learn?

They need only to chat for a few minutes with a couple that successfully employed Un-Talk and now understands the workings of their “lizard brain” and “genius brain.”

When vivid visuals, concise definitions and a bit of humor coalesce in my office or Skype screen I can usually cut to the chase and inspire a custom prescription.

Un-Talk Therapy informs you and positions you just enough to assist you in doing what is already in your power to do.

Change Your Brain, Change Your Relationship

That power of yours is fueled by the latest brain science. You may have heard the news: our brains are not permanently molded at birth!

Through the discovery of neuroplasticity, we now know we can alter those bundles of fat and water pretty dramatically. This means that your habits and brain patterns are not yours forever.

Changing them is not an easy process and requires a bit of training.

It may take a lifetime of adjusting, but that’s why you have a coach along the way, just as you would for the training of your body.

Solutions are different for everyone, but the basic requirements are the same for all of us involved in Un-Talk Therapy.

What do I need to do to fix my relationship?

I can only help alter your mental diet if you bring five things to the table:

• motivation: to stay together
• desire: to enjoy each other again
• curiosity: about yourself and the workings of your brain
• willingness: to change the way you communicate
• discipline: to practice, practice, practice

And the Un-Talk Therapist must bring:

• simple, visual explanations of your brain on conflict
• concrete steps to wean your brain off of conflict
• training on timing, timing, timing
• custom prescriptions for healthy communication
• a sense of humor about it all

If you bring these to your Un-Talk session you are guaranteed to have a good time.

You’ll see your old conflicts in a whole new way, and maybe even learn to laugh at your old perceptions.

During our first session together Sally described the end of that fateful post, all-nighter conversation.

She remembers being speechless.

She remembers feeling herself opening up to perceiving herself on a new plane.

She remembers Maureen asking: “Can’t you think of a time biting your tongue really paid off? Sally was shocked to realize she could not.

Can you?

What made you realize it?

Did it change the “emotional temperature” in the room?

Pray tell! I so look forward to hearing your stories – they help me rescue relationships all over the world.

Cheers – to less talk and more love!

Phil

Philip DeLuca MSW, LCSW is a couples counselor and relationship expert in Matthews, North Carolina.

To talk to Phil about your relationship, or individual counseling, call today, or fill out the contact form and click Send.

Our Therapy Process

• Book Appointment

• Therapy Sessions

• Gain Confidence

Is your diet ruining your marriage?

Rick was biting his fingernails while waiting in the block-long Starbucks cue. It wasn’t until he was finally seated and gulping his double espresso latte, licking the cruller icing off his trembling fingers and gazing out the window that he could again wonder: how can I fix my marriage?

Instead of seeking another traditional couples counselor, he may just need to tilt his head down 90 degrees.

Rick’s answer may just lie in that 12-ounce dose of caffeine and an oversized lump of sugar-coated lard. Why might he be starting his day with 1,000 blood pressure-elevating, diabetes-generating inflammatory calories?

Maybe he needs a jolt of energy to battle the blues before work. Maybe he and his wife Melinda’s shouting match damaged his hearing last night. Maybe the two of them haven’t spoken at all in three days. Or maybe they’re talking, but more like roommates than lovers, or daring adventurers in family-hood. Either way, he’ll just keep craving more quick-fix sugar, no matter how many calories he consumes. Why? Because his body will be breaking down that refined sugar at lightning speed, causing insulin and blood sugar levels to skyrocket.

As Rick rushes through his day he may realize the lunch hour has come and gone, but he’s late to a client presentation, so he grabs a drive-thru bundle of cholesterol, carbs, and preservatives. By the time he comes home to Melinda, the sugar high will be long gone and his digestive track may be reeling, begging for robust protein, nutrients, and antioxidants.

How is your diet ruining your marriage?

Rick’s hunger may turn him into a cranky, compassionless curmudgeon right at the moment when he needs to turn relations around with some rational communication. Instead, in this state of mind, he’s likely to explode at the slightest annoyance and pick up where he and Melinda left off the night before. And if neither of them has had a nutritious, balanced meal in 24 hours they may very likely be too exhausted to fight it out. They may just order a pizza and scarf it down with a few beers and sitcoms, then go to bed hurt, angry and disconnected. Again.

How can they rescue their relationship?

First of all, skip the TV, get more sleep and wake up early enough to have a real breakfast. Together. Dump the crueler in the garden for the birds, grab an egg white-veggie (the greenest veggie you can enjoy) and sit down together to eat eye-to-eye, ear-to- ear. By no means does this mean you have to speak. Just listen to each other chew and breathe for a while. Hear the wind against the broken window. Watch last night’s SNL monologue. Chew slowly, and with each bite become more comfortable with each other’s presence. Slowly, gradually you can boost your immune system, alter your mood, notice the sun. If you can sit together every morning for a week listening to endorphin-releasing music or comedy while eating patience-generating nutrients, who can gradually begin to reroute the neurotransmitter highways in your brain, and silently, gingerly begin to reconnect.

Have you ever reconnected with your spouse over a meal? Did it work? I’m squirming with curiosity;)

Thanks for sharing your stories – they help me rescue relationships all over the world!

Cheers – to less talk and more love!
Phil

Philip DeLuca MSW, LCSW is a couples counselor and relationship expert in Matthews, North Carolina.

To talk to Phil about your relationship, or individual counseling, call today, or fill out the contact form and click Send.

Our Therapy Process

• Book Appointment

• Therapy Sessions

• Gain Confidence

Bed Love and Beyond: How to Curb Your Anger in Love & Life

From Anger to Rage, the Effects are Felt Across Your Relationships & Heath. Keep reading to discover how to curb your anger in love & life.

“Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not so easy” – Aristotle, 384 B.C.

It’s hard to curb your anger when you just want to blurt out your feelings to someone as soon as they cross you. But that rage not only is bad for the relationship but bad for your health. Join us as Philip DeLuca explains how to “not speak” in order to get our point across to one another. Also, he goes through the minutiae of what our body goes through when we have these explosive outbursts and how these moments can have negative health effects on us.

Bed Love and Beyond: How to Curb Your Anger in Love & Life

Listen to the full interview here.

Untalk Couples therapy in Matthews

Philip DeLuca MSW, LCSW is a couples counselor and relationship expert in Matthews, North Carolina.

To talk to Phil about your relationship, or individual counseling, call today, or fill out the contact form and click Send.

Our Therapy Process

• Book Appointment

• Therapy Sessions

• Gain Confidence

Relationship Rescue

Are chronic arguments destroying your relationship? Is your health suffering from all the stress and conflict? Is your partner uncooperative? Does he or she refuse to attend therapy? Can you see the end of your relationship on the horizon if things don’t change? Relationship rescue is possible.

My Untalk therapeutic approach specializes in resolving arguments and restoring communication between partners before they get to what I call The Dead Zone — that place where there is no caring left. I offer a unique approach that has rescued many relationships in spite of chronic argument an inability to communicate and having failed with other approaches.

offer a unique skill-set that can rescue your relationship after it appears to have reached the point of no love, or very little love, left.

One partner’s willingness to try can be enough

Conventional couples counseling requires the cooperation of both parties. My revolutionary new communication model, UnTalk Therapy™ many times only requires the cooperation of one party to open up communication and resolve conflict.

If you are both willing to work on your problems, or you are the only one willing to initiate changes in your relationship, please consider giving my unique UnTalk Therapy™ a try. It has saved thousands of relationships over the years. Additionally, my strategies for creating a healthy and meaningful life will give your relationship the chance it needs to get back to where you once were.

You can learn to stop fighting and start communicating again!

Rescue your relationship, rescue your health

Stress, especially chronic stress, causes inflammation in the body. If you and your partner are fighting, or if you feel alone and unloved, your health will suffer.

A defining moment for me was the deterioration of my health before I discovered the principles behind Untalk therapy. Once I applied what the latest science was saying about the most effective way to communicate, I healed my relationship and my health improved.

My Relationship Rescue program is designed to work with you one-on-one. Together we will take steps to enable your reunion with your loved one. I am here to help you save your relationship and change your life.

Untalk Couples therapy in Matthews

Philip DeLuca MSW, LCSW is a couples counselor and relationship expert in Matthews, North Carolina.

To talk to Phil about how to restore your love, or how individual counseling can help you. Call today, or fill out the contact form and click Send.

Learn more

My book The Solo Partner: Repairing your Relationship on Your Own is based on my own experience and successful methods I have used for years as a marriage counselor in clinical practice. Click here to learn more about my practice and my methods.

Our Therapy Process

• Book Appointment

• Therapy Sessions

• Gain Confidence

Bearded Black Cowboy: Restore Your Love & Family

Philip DeLuca. (LCSW). You have heard of Dr. Phil. Well, Deluca is known as Dr. Un. That is because he is the Un-TalkTM Therapist and Un-TherapyTM is what he does: he teaches people how to stop talking in order to communicate better, restore love, heal their relationship(s) and their health!

Phil DeLuca explains his approach on the Bearded Black Cowboy podcast.

I have developed a new approach to communication. It is both an expose on how current communication approaches are left over from the 60’s, are not supported by current science and generate more rather than less conflict. Not only do I show, clearly and simply, why the current “Express Yourself” communication approaches are relationship suicide, I show why they lead to health problems. I also provide an alternative solution that is easy to grasp, simple to implement, and brings immediate improvement to a person’s relationship and health.

Listen to the full interview here:

Untalk Couples therapy in Matthews

Philip DeLuca, MSW, LCSW is a couples counselor and relationship expert in Matthews, North Carolina.

To talk to Phil about how to restore your love, or how individual counseling can help you. Call today, or fill out the contact form and click Send.

Our Therapy Process

• Book Appointment

• Therapy Sessions

• Gain Confidence